by Juana Barda on "Hi I'm Ridin, what's your name baby?" "What's up Ridin? I'm Kevin." She was cute. Not really stripper sexy but more like high school crush cute. In fact, she reminded me of Aileen, who was the first California girl I met at my USC orientation weekend. I had a big crush on Aileen and had several fun dates with her during my first week in Los Angeles until I found out that she had a boyfriend who coincidentally went to USC. I guess that was my 'Welcome to the big city, sucker' moment. Thanks a lot Aileen. So anyways, Ridin was the perfect chance to get back at Aileen. She looks just like her, only I can exploit her in ways that Aileen would never have imagined. Well, I never even got to first base with Aileen so I can't say that for sure. So Ridin can see that I'm enticed by her and I tell her she looks like she's 19. "No, I'm not but thank you that's flattering." Turns out she's 22 with a six-year-old and a two-year-old. I guess I kind of forgot that I was dealing with a stripper. Ridin is definitely uninterested in the relentless game that I'm spittin' at her and hops on the table and puts her chest in my face. "Hey what does your shirt say?" I ask her. She backs up so I can see it and the word "Ridin'" is airbrushed across her little tube top thing. "Oh! Your name is 'Ridin' like, Ridin' Dirty!" It made sense to me now. I was wondering why her name was "Ridin." "No, like Ridin' Dicks. D-I-X-X," she proudly announced. Believe me, I couldn't make this shit up. "Ridin' Dicks?" I was in a bit of shock at the name of my fading fantasy. "Yeah, I used to do porn and that's my name." Sweet. Now I'm not sure if anyone has ever had their life flash before them but I have and it actually does happen. When you feel like your life is in immediate danger, untapped flashbacks from your memory banks start scattering through your thoughts. This happened to me once and random moments from middle school and high school came to me that I had never remembered before. Anyways, when Ridin Dixx told me what her name was, I started having flashes of the future. "Mom, this is my new girlfriend Ridin' Dixx. She loves dancing and DP's." ""I, Kev Lew, take you, Ridin' Dixx, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part." And of course our kids... "Ridin', where is Suckin'? She's late for cheerleading practice! And I think Blowin' might be gay, I saw him crawl out of the driver's side door of Suckin's boyfriend's car. I guess we have to support whatever lifestyle he chooses." I snap out of it to some kind of ass popping dance that Ridin' is performing on the table. I decide to cut myself off immediately from all Corona's and Red Bulls, my lethal combination of drank. Kev, focus. I got out of there just in the nick of time before any more money was wasted on my newfound business partner/future wife. Overall Sam's was cool. The cover charge is free, which you can't beat. The strippers are an assortment of lay-ups (3), bank shots (4), mid-range jumpers (6), one three-pointer (1) and two bounce passes (to be discussed later). Most of the strippers actually neglected my boy and I, as we probably appear to be either cheapskates or broke, or probably both. That was actually their bad because I've been dying to make it rain as a tribute to my home town Seattle. They have two pool tables, a wack DJ, food and a horrible waitress that I gave a $100 bill to for a beer and she never gave me change until I tracked her ass down 45 minutes later. That actually pissed me off. Especially since I needed the change to give to Ridin' Dixx for Suckin' and Blowin's college fund.
by erica jade l. on I like a place when it plays great music. I don't like a place when people start fights in the club. So I guess I'm torn... Seriously though - little boys need to grow up and handle things without throwing punches. Block, my ass - we all know it's Westchester.
