1825 R Street Northwest
Washington, DC 20009
District of Columbia County
Phone: (202) 232-4007
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by stephen n. on Great place but needs a bigger dance floor... The existence of multilevel clubs is often a necessary commodity to escape inevitable dread of claustrophobia often associated with being in confined quarters for an extended period of time. Usually, a change in scenery easily remedies this situation. Unfortunately, variation doesn't always guarantee a different perspective since the size of a venue is often determined by a number of factors, including the amount of guests in attendance at any given moment. And when you're working with a venue that resembles a pool hall, it then becomes a question of how to utilize common areas to avoid being cramped. That is what walking into a space like Greenhouse feels like on a typical, busy night where patrons seem more interested in congregating than dancing. In truth, I hadn't been here in a few years after it moved from its midtown location under a different guise (then known as Shelter). But I am quickly reminded of its small size tonight even if the presence of good music played by an unknown deejay creates a prolonged distraction, the club's saving grace. However, on one of its more popular nights, Greenhouse (as it is known by most who frequent it) assumes a different name and instantly becomes a haven for gays and lesbians who pack it to the rafters, thus reducing the club's diminutive size further, making maneuvering about more labor-intensive than dancing. This is no big deal if cruising/people watching is your thing, but for those of us who abhor such cramped quarters, having personal space taken away might compel some to head for the nearest exit, albeit temporarily to regroup. Thankfully, Greenhouse has a lower level for escape without having to leave the club entirely. Unfortunately, there doesn't appear to be much room here either. In fact, the space is even smaller, resembling a lounge than a place to dance. But ample seating around the perimeter gives it a place to relax while having access to the dance floor at will. Although Greenhouse may strike some as too small, the club makes up for lack of size with a decent sound system and a handful of rotating deejays who spin everything from deep house to new wave. Additionally, the atmosphere seems very friendly and receptive to just about anyone who appreciates a good party vibe, whether gay or straight. And for those looking to grab a drink will find the bartenders pretty attentive to their needs and not aloof as other places one might frequent. Prices are on par as well with drinks costing about $12 - $14, depending on type. All in all, a great party on any given night. Just watch the elbows! 1 train to Houston st & Varick st
by Jarvis Ezzell on Everything you've heard about The Clermont (a go-go dancers' graveyard, the bar where strippers go to die) is true and yet still inadequate. It all became (embarrassingly) secondhand to me years ago, but I still remember my first visit. For you L.A. rateclubsers, it was an experience replicated the first and only visit I had to Jumbo's Clown Room. It's in the basement of the Clermont Motel and there is wood paneling on the wall disturbingly like your parents' basement. The drinks are cheap, the women are cheaper. Indeed, if arousal means the occasional C-section scar, you're in the right place. Possibly apocryphal, Dave Attell, comedian and former host of The Comedy Central show "Insomniac" was once asked during an interview "Where the best place in America to be drunk?" His answer? "The Clermont Lounge." When asked, "Where's the worst place to be sober?" he answered, "The Clermont Lounge." This bar routinely shows up in men's and lad mags' "Best Bars in America" lists. Blondie is there most nights (though as she gets older, she's been taking more time off) and for a $5 fee, she will do the beer can thing. For more money, she will give you a lap dance where she pummels you with her breasts. It is not a pleasant experience. Alas, I know now I've piqued some person's curiosity out there, in much the same way a person will voluntarily smell sour milk after you've just exclaimed, "SWEET JESUS, I think the milk went bad!!" For those of you, make sure to compliment Blondie on her poetry (yes, she's a recognized poet) or better yet, buy her a Jaeger shot. Maybe she'll take it easy on you and you won't walk away looking like you've spent the night with Ike Turner. The jukebox is not there for you to use. It's for the dancers. That's why many of them carry spare change in a fanny pack they wear even while on stage in an attempt to mingle the practical with the erotic, much like imagining Martha Stewart in a thong. There is one toilet and a trough in the men's room. If you must #2, may God have mercy on your eternal soul. Not only is there no stall door (or stall for that matter) I don't seem to remember much in the way of a toilet seat either. If you go in the summer, the temperature will be somewhere between "unbearably hot" and "ditchdigger's ass." Dress accordingly. Final instructions: step in and enjoy, but keep moving. If you block the doorway, the doorman will yell at you. Cameras are verboten (and really, some memories aren't meant to be re-lived.) Yes, the dancers have AARP memberships. Don't be a douche bag though. The dancers have feelings too. With Romeo Cologne and his traveling disco/funk show, Saturdays are the preferred night to go for most. I think of it as amateur hour, when all the OTPers invade to gawk and be able to tell their co-workers they've been. But it's one thing to go on a Saturday night; it's a whole other thing to go on a Wednesday afternoon. That said, even I'VE had fun dancing there on a Saturday. Now that you're prepared, the wonders of the Clermont beckon. Go forth and enjoy....ish. However, take the time to cherish the Clermont as the last of a dying breed. Unapologetically, almost celebratory in its diveyness, places like this are fewer and farther between. So fight on, Clermont Lounge! Rage against the dying of that gentrifying light! Stay around to frighten a whole new generation of young boys into manhood. For as long as you do, you'll always have a place in my heart.
