by Ben P. on
The 5 People You Meet in Clubs: This is not a comprehensive list, but herewith, a field guide to the fauna that comprise approximately 85% of the population of clubs in general, and LIV in particular (BTW, do you pronounce the club "Liv," like the actress Taylor, or "Live," like the kind of music, or do you say "54"?) 1. The Professional Faux Bar Slut: This good-looking young woman joins your party at your table and drinks your alcohol. This is tolerated because she has convinced one or more people in your party that she will totally have sex with them later that night. If she was an actual bar slut, this would be a good bet. But she isn't. She is the professional faux bar slut, and her role in the club is to enjoy many, many free drinks, bat her false eyelashes alluringly, then vanish, never to be seen again. Pros: pleasant to look at, good at pretending she's interested in what you're talking about. Cons: drinks heavily, will never sleep with you in a million years, liar. 2. The Professional Faux Bar Slut's Friend: this young woman may or may not be very good looking. She may or may not pay any attention to anyone in your group. She WILL drink your alcohol. Pros: infinitely more likely to actually sleep with you, not a liar. Cons: almost certainly won't actually sleep with you, she's part of the package deal and it's not a great package. 3. That Guy: look, I'm not going to go into a lot of detail, because this one is pretty simple. That Guy is at every club. He's That Guy. In Miami, That Guy is actually 85% of all guys at the club. I would describe him, but anyone who has any idea what I'm talking about is already way ahead of me. That Guy is dressed in 100% signature That Guy apparel, sporting the official That Guy haircut, and hanging out with 8 other That Guys. Pros: he's a pro---just ask him. Cons: walking, talking proof that everything the French say about our culture is correct. 4. The Bouncer. The bouncer got his job because he realized, all of a sudden, that if he was the bouncer at this club, he could totally go to this club, like, every single night, and freakin' get paid to do it, man! Awesome! These young adults prove that Bush's education program was incorrectly named. 5 years ago, these guys kept to a rigorous GTL schedule. 3 years ago, it slipped to GL. 1 year ago, it simply became T. Unless the G stands for gel. Pros: if you're really lucky, the bouncer will express his inner child and you'll end up owning the club post-lawsuit. Cons: yes, they will eventually all be cons. 5. The Potential Future Goodwife: One of the things that was most interesting about Miami Beach is that, with the prevalence of cosmetic surgery and 22-year-olds, the native assessment of beauty is incredibly skewed, such that tremendously good looking women are virtual outcasts, both in and outside of the club environment. This bodes well for men in her future, for after being told for years and years that she's really not all that good looking or desirable, she's decided that must be true. Thus, she will willingly marry a guy who is objectively much less attractive than her, because she subjectively perceives herself as his aesthetic equal. This observation will lead many to infer that I met Wifey at a Miami Beach club, and though the deductive reasoning is sound, such is not the case.
by Romana Buike on
The food at National Mechanics is really great, and the unique atmosphere is enjoyable. I particularly love the burger (and I have several veggie friends who really love the veggie burger). However, for what it is, the food is a bit over priced and I have never had anything close to prompt service. No matter what time of day, they always seem understaffed. Don't plan on getting in and out in under an hour, even during lunch.